Remember this picture from Wordless Wednesday while we were at the beach last week?
It was that picture and so many others that I posted on Instagram throughout the week that caused me to pause and reflect. At one point, I said there were big changes coming. I think this is the picture where it finally actually hit me, sitting on top of the endless dunes at Jockeys Ridge watching the sunset.
I’m not going back to our classroom this year. It feels like a secret I should be whispering and also the most exciting announcement I should be shouting from the top of that dune.
I debated how to tell you, or if I should tell you so soon. But, I’ve always told it like it is and the truth is, I needed time away. I’ve caught myself already missing the little third grade faces that should be mine this year, knowing I won’t get to know them and learn with them… missing the faces of former students I won’t be seeing pass me in the hallway each morning… missing the collaboration with my teacher friends at school. But I’ve also caught myself being incredibly excited and hopeful for what a year away will do for me, personally and professionally.
As many of you know, my husband is a third year medical student. My income alone supports our family, as well as his large student loans that cover tuition and books. I was sitting at home Monday night, the week before we left for the beach, and it hit me; I wasn’t going back to my classroom this year. In spite of all the preparation I did this summer. In spite of my beautiful, dare I finally say “perfect” classroom environment. In spite of my principal telling me I was one of the best reading teachers he has. In spite of the guaranteed income. I needed to reevaluate.
It was the night before my husband’s board exams. I realized we never see each other. We commute in different directions, which means spending two hours on the road to support each other. His days of dipping apples during Johnny Applseed week, bringing the dogs in for Perfect Pet, and flipping pancakes for Cook-A-Doodle-Doo were long past. My days of zipping down to meet him for dinner were over. We were passing in the night.
Within the hour, I had made two trips to school to clean out my classroom. Tuesday was spent finding new insurance, renting a storage unit for a few teaching treasures (like the rocking chair from my dad when I got my first classroom), and Wednesday I turned in my letter. I volunteered to come back and be a study buddy. Can you imagine– the leisurely hours of working one on one?! I also left my entire classroom library, the true labor of love throughout my career, in hopes that it will be scattered among the other teachers and there will still be students to read the books I carefully collected. I also leave lots of memories, bittersweet.
What now? Well, I joke with my husband that we are both unemployed and my schedule just got a whole lot less complicated. And that I need to clean the “teacher clothes” out of our closet. The joking hides the whispers that say, “Does this mean I’m not a teacher anymore??” But after ten years in education (9 of them in third grade at my school), I think I’ll always be a teacher. I just won’t have a classroom this year.
The thing is, I think we as teachers don’t put ourselves first very much. We give and give and give… and unfortunately sometimes there isn’t much left. The long days at school, the commute, the endless meetings where we teachers {you know, the ones in the trenches} sit powerless. The decisions made by people who have never been in a classroom. The swinging curriculum that changes more often than the wind. The revolving door of superintendents and principals. The students who continue to show up unprepared to learn, the handful of unrelenting parents, the lack of funds and materials. We work tirelessly to make our classrooms safe havens, but who is working tirelessly for us? I know I’m preaching to the choir. I felt it when I wrote We Built a Fort Today this spring.
So in a moment of total clarity and exhilaration, I decided to take the year off and find a school that’s a better fit for me next year. I’ve found that I have a real passion working with other teachers so I want to explore that in the meantime. I want to support my husband in his last year of med school. We want to start a family. And I want to prove to myself that being a teacher isn’t my whole identity, just one part that I care about a whole lot.
The last two years of writing this blog have helped me grow personally and professionally far more than I ever dreamed possible. I *love* networking with teachers all over the world. I have so many ideas that I haven’t even begun to share with you. There just wasn’t time. I was burning the candle at both ends. I have endless files and sticky notes and projects to finish that I’ve used in our classroom year after year. It’s truly become my passion and now I have time to pursue it in hopes of making a bigger difference and helping more students than the ones I see in our classroom each year… In helping more teachers than just the ones down the hall. My days in the classroom aren’t over.
I hope you decide to continue this journey with me. And I hope you have the BEST school year, where you feel supported, empowered, valued, and loved. I’m going to be over here cheering you on from the sidelines. Let me know if you need an extra set of hands sometimes. I’ll be there. =)
Congratulations on your decision, Christi! Your post made me tear up. We don't put ourselves first- you're absolutely right. I wish you all the best this year!
-Maria
Thank you! This one was a difficult one to write, but it feels better to put it out there. 🙂
Wow! Such a big decision! I agree. We always give and sometimes don't give enough to the people that are the closet to us. I'm going into my 5th and feel the same way. Best of luck to you!
Have the best school year and take care of YOU!
Congratulations!!! Our blogs are a bit similar today. 🙂 It is a HARD decision, but like you said, it will give you that time you need. I think the same way, "Am I still a teacher?" I wrote that in my post last night. At the end of the day, we are teachers, & we always will be! Good luck!
Meredith
#teachersforlife 😉
Enjoy your year!!!!!
Michelle
http://www.mrsscotese.blogspot.com
You said what I've felt for a while now. I ended the year completely spent. I'm finishing up my grad program while teaching full-time, serving on endless committees, and running two blogs / stores. I, like you, am the "breadwinner" and I'm not the least bit resentful about that but it doesn't leave any time for me. I decided not to take any grad classes this summer and just focus on relaxing. While I felt incredibly guilty initially, it was the absolute BEST decision! I feel relaxed and recharged.
I wish you a year full of joy & excitement! Can't wait to hear your adventures! Best wishes!
~Lori
Thank you. I hope your summer off has left you feeling recharged and ready. Take care of YOU this year!
Good for you! I hope you are blessed this year as you follow a new path!
Amanda
A Very Curious Class
Congratulations on having the courage to do what is best for you…it isn't always an easy choice to make. Wishing you continued success.
Thank you so much. It means a lot to still have the support of my teacher friends. 🙂
I agree that teachers give and give and sometimes forget to give back to ourselves. Wishing you a wonderful year ahead! I look forward to following your adventures through your blog : )
Thank you! I'll just have to live vicariously through all of my teacher friends. 🙂
First of all, congratulations.
Secondly, so well written.
Third, I am super jealous.
I am sitting here after getting my hair colored thinking how I finally "did something for myself". HA! Now it seems so small, but for me, it is BIG!
Fourth, of course I am a but jealous, but can't wait to see how things play out for you and your family!
Love that you have stepped out of your box!!!!
Elizabeth
Hodges Herald
Oooh, I could go for a new 'do about now! 😉
I really enjoy your blog and will stay tuned! Congratulations on your new journey! Best wishes!
Thank you!! I think I thrive on change so we'll see how this goes. 😉
Good for you!! I wish you the best in your next adventure. I've enjoyed your blog and am glad you will continue to share.
Jamie
Thrills in Third Grade
Congratulations, Christi! What an exciting time for you and you husband! Hey, if you ever need a fourth grade classroom in which to try out something you create, I believe we live near each other! Let me know if you're ever interested!
Oh, how fun. YOU let me know if you ever need a second set of hands then. 😉
Oh, Christi!! I am a sentimental old fool and that made me blub like a baby! I am so excited for you and can't wait to hear what this incoming year brings! You are crazy talented and I love reading your life stories – many, many best wishes for your new ventures!! <3
Christi- What a heartfelt post you wrote that many teachers can relate to. I applaud you not only. for sharing your personal story, but for reminding your readers that sometimes we need to follow our heart and trust that it will all work out. I left the classroom after teaching for 23 years to stay home with my two youngest boys to pursue my dream of being a stay-at-home mom. I miss teaching incredibly, but get my "fix" by blogging, creating for TpT as well as homeschooling my youngest. I wish you all the best and have no doubt that you rock this! 🙂 Lauren
I was touched to read your so personal story! Good luck and well chosen! You will be a much better person for it.
Enjoy your year off!
Enjoy your year off with your husband!
Hi Christi!
Best wishes on your new adventure! You're extremely talented and I know amazing things are in your future!
~Jenn
A Pirates Life for Us
Shiver Me Firsties!
I applaud you for taking the time to put yourself first! If you don't take care of you then no one will. You will be a better person for it. I just wish I had enough guts to pursue some of my dreams, but I will have to wait until I am retired in 12 years (as long as they don't change the retirement requirements again). Enjoy. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find all that you are looking for this year.